But for now I’m rocking my baby, & babies don’t keep…

by heirtoblair on November 14, 2009

But children grow up, as I’ve learned to my sorrow
So quiet down, cobwebs. Dust, go to sleep.
I’m rocking my baby. Babies don’t keep.
~Ruth Hulburt Hamilton

Dear Harrison,

Today, we celebrate the past thirty-one days. Thirty-one days of bliss. Thirty-one days of tears. Thirty-one days since you were born. Thirty-one days since my life changed forever. Thirty-one days that flew by so fast, I fear that the next thirty-one years will pass in the blink of an eye.
Last night, I sat in your nursery & rocked you, even though you had been passed-out with the bliss of being milk-drunk for 30 minutes & even though your father was begging me to come to bed. But I rocked you because I could…because you are still so dependent & wee that you curl into my neck, little baby whimpers & snores that I so longed to hear. I rocked you, because I know that it brings you “home,” as it does for me. I rocked you, because I fear that far too soon, you will struggle to get down. I rocked you those extra minutes, because I waited an entire year to do so.
I rocked you, even though I had a load of laundry, waiting to be flipped over. A blog that sits neglected on the internet, void of much true posting in the past month. A dog that begs to be walked, & a husband that needs to be kissed. I rocked you, memorizing the lines on your little face, even though I can see the dustbunnies under my china cabinet. I bent down & kissed your cheek, inhaling that sweet post-bath baby smell. I laughed at the way your lower lip stuck out in a full pout. & I know that at this time in my life, I’ve never been more thrilled to have a filthy house, bills that are stacked on the kitchen table, & dinner that is often not made until 9pm.
Because last night, I rocked you, soaking you in & knowing that you can’t stay this little forever.
How is it that I am already packing away newborn sleepers & pants, re-arranging drawers to make room for 3-month clothing? Have you already grown so much that we’ve doubled the amount of formula you drink every bottle? Has it really been a month since the first time I heard your little “uh-huh uh-huh” cry, or kissed your platinum Donald Trump hair?
I thought back to my hopes & expectations while I carried you & I asked myself — has it been everything I dreamed of? It has been better & more than ever expected. & I look forward to the new hopes & expectations that I have for you as you grow. So grow, Harrison. Grow, even though I cling to you & your newborn sleepers, wishing I could keep you this little forever. Even while I rock you longer, knowing that babies don’t keep.
I love you forever.
Love,
Momma

img 2603 2 1024x768 But for now Im rocking my baby, & babies dont keep...

Harrison, 1 month.

{ 49 comments… read them below or add one }

LB November 14, 2009 at 5:34 pm

I see so much of myself in you, yet I can't write half as well as you do. I had nights like those and I miss them so much. Now, since I have gone back to work, my son cuddles with me for 15 mins before bed and I treasure those moments. They make everything worth it.

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Anonymous November 14, 2009 at 5:43 pm

As I sit here on my couch timing my contractions, I checked your blog to see what I have to look forward to. And I'm so glad I did. No matter how much pain I am in right now, it can't possibly compare to the intense love I will have for my child soon. Your post made me cry and smile at the same time. Harrison is such a lucky little boy to have you. – Bella263 on thebump

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Hot Hot JJ November 14, 2009 at 6:13 pm

Beautifully well written, as always. Can't wait to also have those times with my little man. He's due on Wednesday. Jessica

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EDub November 14, 2009 at 6:36 pm

Crying so much as I snuggle my 22 day old baby. I am so overwhelmed with love! I totally relate to this post.

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Laura November 14, 2009 at 6:46 pm

As I look down at my 14 month old, playing, laughing, walking all around, I'm reminded how much I miss those days! He's so much fun right now but is definetly out of snuggle mode (has been for about 10 months now) and I do miss it from time to time! Enjoy him – the last year was the fastest year of my life!

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Anonymous November 14, 2009 at 6:46 pm

Way to make me cry, Blair!!!-mommytobe.blogspot.com

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Rebekah November 14, 2009 at 6:50 pm

HAPPY 1 MONTH HARRISON!! Blair- pretty great, isn't it?

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Mrs. Rootbeer November 14, 2009 at 6:53 pm

I am crying now. Beautiful post Blair. Mandalin from BOTB

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jenoneill November 14, 2009 at 8:01 pm

Damn you for making me cry! That was so touching and veautiful!

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Anonymous November 14, 2009 at 8:10 pm

That was so beautifully written!

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Derek and Stefani November 14, 2009 at 9:04 pm

This is your best blog post yet – I think I feel that way because I can completely relate to what you are saying… I need to write Addison a letter too – the time just goes too fast. Congrats on one month!!

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Anonymous November 14, 2009 at 9:15 pm

What a beautiful post! Just this evening, I was sitting here, holding my 10 week old DS thinking the exact.same.thing. While I'm so excited to see the person he grows up to be, I would do anything to slow time down…enjoy his squishiness and cuddles for just a few more days, minutes, hours…seconds.And, it's completely bittersweet for me, as DS will be our last baby. (We have a three year old DD, too) So, I'm trying to soak up as much of his "newness" as I can because it will be last time I experience it.If there's any consoloation to them growing, is that you will continually be amazed at what Harrison learns and does. The pride you will feel as a parent is immeasurable. And, I imagine you'll find yourself longing for the toddler years when he's in his teens and the teen years when he starts his own family and has his very on "Harrison." Happy 1 month, Harrison!

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Mrs. D November 14, 2009 at 9:35 pm

Oh man did that make me cry. I have a 9 month old- I still rock him as I'm nursing every night. I wish I could just freeze time and have him stay this little. Beautifully written post! :)

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Laura November 14, 2009 at 9:37 pm

I read this after I rocked Keira to sleep, thinking so many of the same things as you wrote. I thought about how her legs now touched the end of the rocking chair and how she has more than doubled her birth weight. I thought about how I wanted to stop time because my arms seem to be getting smaller and smaller by the day. I thought about how tiny her newborn clothes were and am still shocked she is wearing size 9-12 months. This post made me cry because like you, I'm watching my baby grow up before my eyes and time is going by entirely too fast.

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Kelli November 14, 2009 at 9:49 pm

Beautiful post. I'm glad to see you are enjoying every possible moment with Harrison. Kelli, Momma to 5 month old Lilah (which seems completely impossible)

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Rachel D November 14, 2009 at 9:53 pm

DH sits beside me wondering why yet again I'm balling after reading your blog. I think these same thoughts every night as I lay and rock my sweet 19 week old. Babies certainly don't keep and rock Harrison as much as you can.Rach

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Dleigh November 14, 2009 at 10:21 pm

I have the Babies DOn't Keep poem up in G's nursery. I actually had it in my nursery when I was a baby.

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Barb November 14, 2009 at 10:31 pm

Such a beautiful post. You are very good with words.They do grow fast…too fast. I can barely remember my son as a newborn and he is only 5 months. So rock him however long you want…and do it often. :)

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Mrs.F November 14, 2009 at 10:35 pm

They truly do grow so fast. I can't believe my little one is already almost 4 months! Harrison is such an adorable little guy. Hey, we're in the south too… and my little Gianna will be needing a nice southern boy ;)

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Molly November 14, 2009 at 10:41 pm

Tis true. Babies don't keep. But it does keep getting better and better with every new stage!

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Amy November 14, 2009 at 10:52 pm

you really have a way with words, don't you? i'm going to c&p a part of this in my blog bc it was too good to never read again. :)

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Anonymous November 14, 2009 at 11:10 pm

Gag me!

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Stephanie November 14, 2009 at 11:10 pm

great, you made an emotional 7th month prego cry! beautiful, i cant wait for the same moments

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lonesomedove November 14, 2009 at 11:14 pm

Awwm that was so sweet :) You are a good Mama. One day he will so treasure this.

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Anonymous November 15, 2009 at 1:51 am

This is beautifully written! You have such a gift for knowing exactly how I feel and putting it into words! LOL! Thanks for sharing this!ashloree from bump 3-6

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Angie November 15, 2009 at 8:50 am

Blair, you make me tear up. All so true.

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Shaye November 15, 2009 at 10:34 am

This made me cry as I am snuggling with my 3 year old daughter and 2 month old little boy!! As I read this, she was hugging my arm and saying "I love you Mama" and he was looking up at me and smiling and cooing. I was talking to my husband about this exact thing…how fast they grow! I just didn't say it quite as beautifully as you did. Happy one month birthday Harrison!!!!!

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sarahmarie0730 November 15, 2009 at 11:34 am

Awww…that is so sweet! Time really does fly so cherish every moment:) I had a little breakdown the other day when I started organizing my daughter's 6-12 month clothes in her closet (she is almost 5 months old).

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Anonymous November 15, 2009 at 12:48 pm

I love this post the best! Thanks for sharing. I hope to be a mom someday too.

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AmericanTribal November 15, 2009 at 12:52 pm

Wow, this was so incredibly powerful. You really have a way with words :).It makes me look forward (even more than I already do lol) to being a mom one day.

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Tri047 November 15, 2009 at 1:12 pm

OMG I seriously started crying while reading this. I felt the same way when Christopher was 1 month old. They grow so fast. Enjoy it!

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lisa November 15, 2009 at 1:34 pm

Well I just sat there and cried while reading that. My amazing little man is 2 1/2 months old now. I can't believe time has gone by so fast. I love being his mother.

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Shazia November 15, 2009 at 1:55 pm

I have been following your blog for awhile. This post was absolutely beautiful…I can't wait to experience those days with my little girl who is due in December. You have a very handsome little boy…congratulations!

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Shannon November 15, 2009 at 2:24 pm

That was absolutely beautiful!-Mizz&Shizz from thebump

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Anonymous November 15, 2009 at 8:59 pm

You dumbass – of course that formula has EVERYTHING to do with his reflux! Your stupidity amazes me. Yeah, keep lying to yourself, 'cause wouldn't it suck to have to admit that you're causing this to him because of your selfishness?

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Blair November 15, 2009 at 9:09 pm

Wrong blog post, darling. ::pats anonymous on the head::

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Becca November 15, 2009 at 11:30 pm

Oh this made me get teary! It really does go by way too fast. You'll never regret those precious moments with him. Happy 1st Monthday Harrison.

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KarmaPearl November 16, 2009 at 9:33 am

This was such a beautiful post. I have tears in my eyes from reading it. I still have 9 weeks until I meet my little one but I know that she will grow in the blink of an eye. Thanks for reminding me to slow down and cherish the moments that will slip by too quickly – the laundry and dustbunnies can wait until tomorrow.

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Rachel H. November 16, 2009 at 10:33 am

So sweet and WOW!! I can't believe that it's been a month since he was born! I can't believe it! He seems like just yesterday, and it makes it that much closer to my due date!

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Christie November 16, 2009 at 11:18 am

And I am now sitting at my deski in tears…thinking of the days I rocked my Now 10 month old to sleep, th emorning when we pulled her into bed with us, and snuggled till noon and forgot the world outside exitsed. It goes so fast so hold tight, the dishes and luandry will wait. Being a mother is the most amazing, terrifying, exciting, blissful experience. I would not change a thing about the last 10 months and you will feel that way too.

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S November 16, 2009 at 11:46 am

I started reading this post last night and had to stop because I knew I would bawl. I just came back to it and sure enough…tons of tears. My 9 week old is growing so fast and I feel the same way. Thanks for sharing.

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Beverley November 16, 2009 at 1:07 pm

Why did I read this at WORK?! I am struggling not to cry. Damn you! :)

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Meagan November 16, 2009 at 2:31 pm

Happy 1 month, Harrison!This was so beautiful, I can't wait until I get the opportunity to feel this way about my own babies. God bless all 3 of you. :-)

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Jen November 16, 2009 at 3:15 pm

Hey! I'm a new follower of your blog and I love it! My mom had that poem cross-stitched and framed in my sister's room when she was little, and now it's in my DD's room. Not sure if meant to leave off the first line of it but it's "Cleaning and scrubbing can wait til tomorrow" :)Your post made me smile and miss my tiny newborn! (she's 8 months now)

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Jelly Bean November 16, 2009 at 9:20 pm

Blair this brought tears to my eyes. I've never commented on any of your posts but I couldn't help myself today. Being a mother is such a beautiful thing!

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Shanni ♥ November 16, 2009 at 5:48 pm

This post makes me want to cry! My baby boy is 2 now and I can NOT believe I am the mother of a TWO YEAR OLD!! Yes, terribly twos.. that's me!! Wow!As you cherish his beautiful little face, his teeny tiny clothes, and how he still fits so perfectly into your arm, I promise you that ever 2 years later even though at times he will have better things to do than sit in mommys lap all day getting kisses, there will be nothing and noone that can replace mommy and her kisses. My little boy still loves to snuggle at bedtime, I rock him in his glider and he snuggles up to my neck and begins to twitch as he settles in for a good nights rest…And when he is being too busy running around like a mad man.. mommy gets to take awesome videos like THIS…http://www.simplyshanni.com/2009/11/rocks-my-socks-off.htmlLOVE that little boy!

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Samantha November 21, 2009 at 9:20 am

My baby is 12 days old and this totally made me tear up. So sweet.

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lady gray November 21, 2009 at 5:17 pm

thank you for this. i am having a rough time getting my 4 month old to nap, and those 3 rockings a day have become the most stressful moments of my existence. thank you for reminding me (and beautifully) that they are moments to be cherished.tears.

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Elizabeth November 25, 2009 at 10:16 am

Blair, I love these words. It is SO true and it made me tear up! ;) My second is due in 6 weeks and I am so excited to experience the "baby" things again, but I know it goes as quickly as it comes – as I learned with my first. I think the moms that stop and smell the Johnson&Johnson are the ones who really are the happiest – even if nothing else seems to get done on time. They are only little once – CHERISH IT! Thanks Blair!

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